Rendering Fate
by Hollow Strife
Summary: Looking back, Riku could clearly see where everything had gone wrong. He could pin point the exact moment, down to the sentence, down to the word, that had caused everything in his previously perfect world to collapse.


**Authors's Note: ** This is for the completely amazing Shini, because not only she is half of our own twisted pairing, she helped me discover, and ultimately convinced and encourage me to write about Riku and Demyx. So this is for you sweetie. I hope you like it.

For everyone else, I would be expecting a lot of this pairing from me, because it's so adorably cute it hurts. And the fact that I love Riku and can actually see him and Demyx having a relationship probably helps. So I hope all of you enjoy this.

**Disclaimer:** This is a total and complete work of fiction. I in no way own any of the character's mentioned in this work of fiction. I am not making any sort of profit off of this.

* * *

Looking back, Riku could clearly see where everything had gone wrong. He could pin point the exact moment, down to the sentence, down to the word, that had caused everything in his previously perfect world to collapse. Looking back on it now, it was as if he were standing safely on the shore after having spent dozens of hours drifting aimlessly at sea. It was as if he had found his refuge, his own peace, and had somehow gained the ability to look back over the events that had taken place so long ago. Or what seemed so long ago now. It wasn't really true, not when you measured the space in time, but to him, the days, the weeks and months had come together and had formed a void. A deep, unfilled void. Somehow, he had come out on the other side, and the time that had passed, while it didn't seem like so much to the outside world, was everything to him.

He had taught himself how to be whole. He didn't need another person there to be with him, to be by his side. He didn't need a shoulder to lean on. He had learned how to exist on his own. The journey had been rough, and more then once he had wanted nothing more then to turn back around, to go running into the open arms that he knew would be waiting for him if only he would choose to return. He wanted to feel that warmth, that understanding, that love. He knew, deep in his heart he knew, that he had to do this. He had to learn how to be okay on his own. He had to learn how to be only dependant on himself. He had to become stronger, if not for himself, then for the person who loved him.

He had claimed it was an issue of needing space, when in fact it was more an issue of him not feeling like he was good enough, deserving enough of the wonderful, amazing person who had simply fallen into his lap. He had told a lie, the words that had changed both of their lives forever. He had spoken the words, and sent the person who had meant the world to him, the person who was the only thing standing between him and the darkness, away. He had sent them back to the place where he felt they belonged. As for him, well, he didn't truly belong anywhere. Not in the world of light, where the chestnut haired friend he had let go of so long ago lived. Not in the world of darkness where the monster who had tried to take over his heart resided. And not in this world of nothingness where the pale, blond boy who loved him, even if he wasn't truly capable of love, rested.

Love, he thought now with a heavy sigh. What was love anyway? He wasn't even sure it was a true emotion anymore, but a made up one that existed simply to confuse. He knew that he had feelings for the blond boy who haunted his dreams, but could he call it love? He, the boy was a Nobody, they weren't capable of feeling actual emotions, much less love. How could he know for sure if the feelings that he felt towards the other were true or false when the person he was supposed to be in love with wasn't capable of any such emotion? It was one of the many quandaries that had plagued him in his long exile in the darkness. Thoughts of what love truly was. Thoughts of the pale musician that had found him, that had tried so desperately to save not only himself, but the lost silver haired boy who he had taken under his wing.

He missed him, he realized suddenly. He had learned to be okay on his own, he had no other choice. The blue eyed boy who was now nothing more than a far off memory was gone, and he was never coming back. Riku knew he should feel lucky to have been giving the chance to love at all, but somehow, he just couldn't bring the emotions up. Couldn't allow himself to feel that way. Couldn't allow himself to feel at all. It was strange. It was as if when the young Nobody had died, he had taken not only his own sprit, his own joy and sorrow, and his own heart which he claimed so resolutely to have, but Riku's as well.

He remembered an old piece of wisdom that he had picked up some where along the line, from some place on his journey through light and darkness, through nothingness. Through life and death, through love and completeness, to loneliness and emptiness. The living had to go on living. The dead were gone, only to exist in our memories, but as long as we kept them in our memories, in our thoughts, in our very hearts and souls, they would go on forever. He had to believe that. It didn't answer the question of whether he had loved the boy who had loved him so much in return, but it made him feel better. He knew he would see the blond Nobody again, whether in this life, or the next.

The sun had gone down over the island, and the sand of the beach had started to lose the warmth it gained from the large star. Riku could feel it cooling under him, even as he continued to sit on it's surface, stick in hand, drawing words and names into the sand. There was only one that meant anything to him now. He had found his friends again, the people he was supposed to love. The boy he was supposed to love, and yet, he couldn't seem to get the other, the one who came before him out of his head. Maybe that's what love was. Not being able to forget about someone simply because they were gone. Either way, he knew he would never forget the person who had had so much impact on his life, even in the short amount of time they had known each other.

Long after the sun had relinquished it's spot in the sky. Long after the stars had gone out to enjoy their reign, and long after the moon had taken it's place high in sky. Long after Riku had abandoned his spot on the now deserted beach, the words his had written in the sad remained. A simple note to some one he had once cared about. A simple message he knew the other may never read, but had wanted to leave all the same.

You're never be really gone, not as long as I remember you, Demyx. Love, Riku.


End file.
